OBAMA ELECTED PRESIDENT OF AMERICA JR.

Turns out that Canadians like Barack Obama better than any of their politicians. A Canadian poll (North, perhaps?) is going to give a couple of Canucks some pause. CTV reports:

A new poll suggests Canadians would prefer to vote for Barack Obama rather cast a ballot for their own political leaders

Barack Obama: 26 per cent

[Canadian Prime Minister] Stephen Harper: 21 per cent

Hillary Clinton: 16 per cent

[New Democratic Party Leader] Jack Layton: 9 per cent

I took the liberty of including the titles of Mr. Harper and Mr. Layton because they’re Canadian politicians and nobody in the world knows who the hell runs that country. Until I wiki’d Stephen Harper I thought the Queen of England was still in charge up there. Anyway, I think this will be a nice political advantage for Obama. God knows Americans love taking Canada’s lead. Socialized medicine? Neil Young? Highly restrictive gun laws? Hockey? What’s not to like, eh?

OBAMA CAN KISS BILL CLINTON’S ASS

Bill Clinton is taking his wife’s primary defeat in stride. If the phrase “taking it in stride” means acting like an entitled little bitch. The London Telegraph reports:

A senior Democrat who worked for Mr Clinton has revealed that he recently told friends Mr Obama could “kiss my ass” in return for his support.

He’s saying he’s not going to reach out, that Obama has to come to him.

 The only three words that come to mind right now in an effort to describe Bill Clinton’s conduct are class, class, and class. For a man who brought so much dignity and gravitas to the oval office, you’d think he would be a little more buttoned up. Just goes to show, you never really know someone.

WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!

Sen. Joe Lieberman, a stain on the fine state of Connecticut, was on Face the Nation this Sunday. He continued to bolster his reputation as a fair-minded and even-handed politician who puts the good of the American people before petty political posturing. CBS News writes:

“Our enemies will test the new president early,” Lieberman, I-Conn., told Face The Nation host Bob Schieffer. “Remember that the truck bombing of the World Trade Center happened in the first year of the Clinton administration. 9/11 happened in the first year of the Bush administration.”

Feel that? We’re being magically whisked away to 2004! The Athens Olympic Games, the passing of Ronald Reagan, and the Tsunami in Asia are all happening anew! Vote for the Republican or your children will be stolen from you in the night! Thanks to Joe Lieberman we can all be on watch for the disasters that are unlikely to affect us individualy. Did I mention that Joe Lieberman is the worst person in human history? He is. Look it up.

$2,300 DOWN, $19,997,700 TO GO

Barack Obama took a break from swimming in his pile of money (documented here), to contribute the statutory maximum for an individual to Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign. The New York Times writes:

Senator Barack Obama said on Thursday that he had written a personal check of $2,300 to Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton, a good-will gesture intended to nudge his top donors to help ease Mrs. Clinton’s campaign debt and help the two Democrats move beyond their rivalry to focus on the fall contest.

This whole thing has really got to chap Hillary’s ass. Less than a year ago she was a shoe-in to waltz into the White House in January ’09, and now she’s a loser, $20 million in debt, and has to beg Obama for money. It reminds me of the time that I peed my pants in 8th grade. Sure, I cried and the school nurse called my Mom and let me go home, but I still had to go back into class to get my coat.

MCCAIN, OBAMA, & WORLD AGREE – CHILD RAPE IS BAD

In a stirring show of bipartisanship and political courage, both presidential candidates have agreed on disagreeing with the Supreme Court ruling that struck down capital punishment for child rape. MSNBC writes:

Republican John McCain and Democrat Barack Obama said Wednesday they disagree with the Supreme Court’s decision to outlaw the executions of people who rape children.

What a political softball. Kill the child molesters! Support the troops! Nuke the whales! Gimmie a break! How about these guys show come cojones and get out there with Chris Hansen, go to some pervert’s mom’s house when she’s not home and entrap some social deviants? There’s no surer way to be tough on crime than to be out there quasi-enforcing without police power. Plus, its free advertising, which McCain is gonna need since Obama swims in money like Scrooge McDuck.

OBAMA IS A HINDU

It has been well documented for months now that there is a subversive smear campaign against Barack Obama, accusing him of being a Muslim, and implying that because of this he is a bit too different from your average gun-toting bible-thumping American to be President.

Let The All-Stars go on record as saying that this a deplorable attack on Senator Obama and it is just flat out incorrect. Barack Obama is NOT A MUSLIM. Turns out, he’s a Hindu.  The Times of India reports:

Obama’s representative received a gold-plated two-feet-high idol which she will pass it on to the Obama after it is sanctified.

“Obama has deep faith in Lord Hanuman and that is why we are presenting an idol of Hanuman to him,” said [Indian Congress leader Brijmohan] Bhama.

The Chuck Todd All-Stars are glad to put this nasty rumor about Obama being a Muslim to bed. We now know that his true faith is in Our Lord Hanuman, so everybody just calm down. Phew. That was a close one. Muslim, they said? HA!

HILLARY IS A SENATOR?

Sen. Hillary Clinton returned the the Senate! The Washington Post’s Dana Milbank writes:

As she returned in defeat to her old home in the Senate yesterday, she was received as if in triumph. And, in a sense, her stature had increased during the failed primary battle: She left as a legislator but returned as the leader of an 18 million-strong movement of women and working-class voters — a group whose support Clinton’s Democratic colleagues fervently desire.

 This broad is the most successful loser in the history of loss. She’s like the peg legged asthmatic little leaguer who gets a trophy just for competing even though he never really played and definitely sucked, only its not a trophy its a lot of money from Obama supporters and some sweet as committee appointments from Harry Reid. If this is what losing is supposed to be like, my life should be WAY better than it is.

BILL CLINTON WANTS OBAMA TO WIN

 

The Huffington Post writes:

Former President Clinton said through a spokesman Tuesday that he is committed to helping Barack Obama become president, his first comments in support of his wife’s former rival since their primary ended three weeks ago.

You know, Bill Clinton was right. This whole this is the biggest fairy tale I’ve ever seen. I guess this is the happy ending part of the fairy tale where everybody lives happily ever after. Do you think Obama and Clinton will have kids and name them after their respective heroes Jessie Jackson and Larry Flynt like Harry Potter did with his kids? I think that would be cute.